Get it right
by Paige42
Summary: Trying to forget past horrors, the 7th Doctor and Ace go on a quite, non-eventful vacation... Yeah, right.


Get it right  
By Paige42  
  
The Doctor groaned as the pain in his head subsided slowly. His hands felt the back of his head. A small lump had formed there. What had happened?...........  
  
~*~  
  
"What do you think of this place, Ace?" The Doctor locked the TARDIS door behind him. Ace slung her pack over her shoulder.  
  
"Looks dead around here, Professor." She turned to him slowly. "Or is that the point? Some monster that needs to be stopped to save the people from some kind of horrible slavery and death? Or some kind of hidden evil lurking in every dark corner waiting to be flushed out and stopped? Or some murderess warlord bent on universal domination and we're the only ones that can stop it?" Ace stopped and searched the Doctor's face for an answer.  
  
"All the above actually."  
  
Ace dropped her pack.  
  
A smile crossed the little man's impish face. "I'm kidding, Ace." He walked down the road and spread his arms wide. "Welcome to Kalwagmatcon. The nicest, sweetest, quietest place you'd ever want to be." He made his way back to her.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. And," he said, handing Ace her pack back, "The nearest civilization that has Scarecrows is over 30 billion light years away. I figured that after that business at Hexen Bridge we could both use a vacation."  
  
Ace numbly took her pack form the Doctor's hand. 'Killer Scarecrows'. Hexen Bridge had been full of them. But they weren't really scarecrows. The had been people. And they.... She shook her head. Forget it. It's over. All turned out for the best. As it usually did under the Doctors care. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "So, what's first one the fun list today?" .............  
  
~*~  
  
Then things got hazy. He remember taking Ace to the archery contest. She had come in second to an Ice Warrior. He had bought a leather-like satchel mumbling something about 'Leela always wanting one.' Then...  
  
The fight...  
  
He still wasn't sure who had started it. But, as always, Ace had been right in the middle. The he got hit by..something. He remember hitting the ground. And Ace....   
  
"Ace!" the Doctor screamed. She had been dragged away by a large group of policemen. But she had been bleeding. She was hurt. The Doctor jumped to his feet and ran towards the police compound in the center of town.  
  
***  
  
The Police Centre stood glumly in the center of the capital city of Kalwagmatcon. Two uniformed police men sat outside. The whole city had only seven police men in it. It's prison was almost always empty. Except today. One female occupant sat there brooding.   
  
Officer Bozfeld sipped his bektal juice. Next to him, Junior Office Obskok snoozed under the afternoon sun, a forgotten novel in his lap. There silence was broken.  
"Excuse me?"   
  
Obskok opened and uninterested eye and look at the voice who had disturbed his cat nap. A little man in a cream suit ,paisley scarf, and umbrella stood before them doffing a battered hat.  
  
"I was wondering if you could help me. I'm looking for a friend of mine. A humanoid female named Ace. I believe she was brought here."  
  
Obskok closed his eyes again. Bozfeld smiled.  
  
"It's possible, sir. But the prisoner has not told us her name."  
  
"Yes well, I'm sure she's just confused. Perhaps I could talk to her and..." He started to the door. Bozfled held out his arm.  
  
"I'm afraid not, sir. No one sees her until the judge comes. There have been quite a few injuries at her hand. And one death. She must stand trial."  
  
"Death?" That's not like Ace. Something must be wrong. Perhaps the incidents at Hexen Bridge had effected her more than she had let on. Humans. Why can't they just say what's bothering them and get one with life!  
  
"So what you're telling me is that there is absolutely no way to get in there to see my friend."  
  
"Only one way sir."  
  
"And that is?"  
  
Bozfeld leaned forward. "Commit a crime." With that, he gave the Doctor a slight push backwards and returned to his juice.   
  
The Doctor drew himself to his full height. "Very well. If I must."  
  
***  
  
Crowds of people walked past the Police Centre. The festival was in full swing and people came to tour the happiest place in the universe daily. The Doctor had spent the night theorizing about how to get into the jail. He had to talk to Ace. He had to get her out. But how to do it so no one would be hurt. And without the Doctor lowering his morals.... too much. He found a way.  
  
The Doctor positioned himself directly before the two policemen infront of the prison. He only wanted to have to do this once. He waited for his opportunity to arrive. And here it came.  
  
A woman and her husband came walking down the street towards the station. The woman was dressed in a ball gown and jewels, her head topped with, what looked like, the carcass of a Seagull. The Doctor stepped right in their path, doffed his hat, then started laughing.  
  
"Will you look at this!" He dropped his hat back on his head and started pointing. "Look at this hat! My I ask what time is take off?" He jumped up and grabbed a feather form off then top and stuck it in the band of his own hat. "Hail Chief Stupid Hat!" Then he turned to the woman's husband. "Sir, I must say that in all the universe I have never seen a more ugly, disgusting, STUPID looking hat in my life!"   
  
The husband grabbed the Doctor by the lapels of his coat. "What did you say, sir?!"  
  
"I said, sir, that your wife is wearing a stupid hat."  
  
The husband let go of the Doctor and laughed. "Thank you, sir!" he shook the Doctor's hand, then turned to his wife. " I told you it was ugly!" The he grabbed her by the arm and led here away, leaving the Doctor dumbfounded. "Oh dear. Well, if at first you don't succeed..."  
  
***  
  
"Here we are dear. Just for you." The older gentleman handed the young girl a ring.  
  
"Oh, Aglco. It's beautiful! Yes, may I help you?"  
  
The Doctor walked up tot he woman looking grim. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, madam, but I saw your husband kissing another woman."  
  
The girl looked shocked. "Oh Aglco! It was your wife!" She turned to the Doctor. "Oh, you won't tell her will you? We have to leave before she finds us!" She grabbed the man's hand and left.  
  
"Not having much luck with this, am I?"  
  
The policeman above him chuckled.  
  
***  
  
A young Xaxtain boy came walking down the street, a package neatly tucked under his arm. The Doctor stepped out and grabbed the box from him . "Just one moment son. Why did you steal that package? Hmm?"  
  
The boy stared shaking. "I'm sorry, sir! I didn't know it was yours! Please don't tell my ma! She'd kill me fore sure!"  
  
The Doctor sighed and waved for him to go. The boy ran to the other end of the street.   
  
"On a normal day I could have been arrested five times by now!" The Doctor screamed to the heavens.  
  
"Yeah, that's true." A voice called from behind him. He spun around.  
  
"Ace!"  
  
Ace smiled as she hobbled over to him. Her ankle was wrapped in a small bandage, a crutch tucked under each arm.  
  
"But I thought.. You had.... But...." He glanced back at the policemen.  
  
"Well when the fight broke out, I had been standing by the Ice Warrior who won the archery contest named Sssseeppprrrr and a friend of his, Ssssmaallllkkkcc. Some crazy girl came up behind us and stabbed Ssssmaallllkkkcc, then tried to stab Sssseeppprrrr . But he threw her off, but she hit my ankle. It's fractured. Then I got carried to the hospital. And she got carted off to jail. What's in the box, Professor?"  
  
"I have no idea." He dropped it on the ground. "I've had enough vacation. How about you?"  
  
"Yeah, beside I got a great souvenir." She pulled out the first place medal from the archery contest. "Sssseeppprrrr gave it to me for my bravery."   
  
"Well I think it's time we go." He grabbed Ace's pack from her shoulder.   
  
A hand grabbed the Doctor's jacket sleeve. "Excuse me." It was Officer Obskok. "Did you drop that?" He pointed to the box.  
  
"Oh, yes. Sorry about that."  
  
Officer Obskok pulled the Doctor away from Ace. "I'm afraid you'll have to come with me, sir. You're under arrest for littering."  
  
The Doctor stood for a second, his mouth hanging open. "Under arrest?"  
  
Ace sighed. "Just a typical day, eh Professor."  
  
"Unfortunatly, Ace.... Yes. Yes it is."  
  
As the police dragged the Doctor away, Ace screamed after them, "Don't worry Professor! I'll bake you a Banana Cream Pie with a saw in it!"  
  
"Very funny, Ace."  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Keith Topping and Martin Day own the mentioned 'Killer Scarecrows'. (Go read "The Hollow Men"! It's great!) Some of the ingenious way he Doctor tries to get himself arrested came form the minds of Abbot and Costello.   
  



End file.
